In this country and in many parts of the world, our cultures and societies have told us that women aren't to be trusted.
We've not been trusted to elect our government representatives. We've not been trusted to hold a job outside the home, or to hold a job while simultaneously being married. We've not been trusted to own property, but rather, upon marriage, became property. We've not been trusted to choose our own life partners. We've not been trusted to stand in a pulpit and preach the word of God. We've not been trusted to speak our minds, to be artists, to be politicians. We've not been trusted to make decisions.
After all, Eve ate the apple. Pandora opened the box.
We are stupid, silly creatures who cause trouble when left unsupervised.
And we keep getting pregnant when we don't want to.
I did some research into why it is that women get pregnant WAY more often than men. As it turns out: MEN CAN'T GET PREGNANT. They can have sex 75 times a day, 365 days a year, for 75 years and they will NEVER, EVER become pregnant. Not once. Who knew?
But, still, why is it that so many women are having unplanned, unwanted pregnancies? Sure there are the cases of rape and incest, but those only account for a relatively small percentage. Don't the rest of these women use birth control? Even if they do, the failure rate is, at best, 2% (with IUD) which gives women a 1 in 50 chance of getting pregnant even with the BEST birth control method used 100% properly 100% of the time. So if a woman has sex an average of once a week, she's got a shot at getting pregnant once a year. The failure rate rises with the use of hormonal contraceptives (the pill, patch, ring, etc.) and rises even more with barrier methods (condoms, diaphram, cervical cap, etc.).
*NOTE: I do not intend to entertain the notion of abstinence in this post. We all know that one cannot get pregnant if one does not have sex, but I'm guessing most people will have sex in their lifetimes.
According to the Guttmacher Institute:
"The average woman must use some form of effective contraception for at least 20 years if she wants to limit her family size to two children, and 16 years if she wants four children."
Ponder that for a moment.
What that statement is telling us is that even if we use contraceptives for 20+ years, we're still probably going to get pregnant at least twice.
Those are bad odds if you don't want kids. And also bad if it means you can't necessarily CHOOSE when those pregnancies will occur. Not to mention how much worse those odds get when you consider that there are many women who
A. Are allergic to latex.
B. Experience serious physical side affects arising from both hormonal contraceptives and IUD.
C. Experience serious psychological and emotional side effects from hormonal contraceptives.
D. Have little or no access to birth control due to financial problems or availability, or simply were never given the information on how to obtain or use such preventative methods.
Even with all those numbers stacked up against us, you'll be happy to know that a great number of those unwanted pregnancies grow up to be delightful "surprises" or who find themselves in wonderful adoptive homes. However, another great many go on to become the victims of their unwantedness: abused, neglected, NOT adopted into loving "forever homes," but rather shuffled through a struggling, underfunded foster-care system (did you know that the average age of the American homeless person is NINE?).
And then there are still a great many who never get born--this, at their mothers' discretion.
This is a decision that mothers should not only be able to make, but should be TRUSTED to make.
Why? Because it's HER body. It's HER life. YOU don't know what is going on in her life to lead her to make that decision, and frankly it's none of YOUR business.
Maybe she's engaged to be married. Maybe on the same day she found out she's pregnant, she also found out that her fiancé is engaged to someone else, too.
Maybe her community would shun her so badly for being pregnant out of wedlock that abortion would actually be safer.
Maybe she already has children. Maybe she is treading a fine line of poverty and knows that another child would put her family on the street.
Maybe she got pregnant the first time she had sex. At fifteen.
Maybe she's in an abusive relationship with the father.
Maybe she has a terminal illness that she would pass on to her child. Or maybe the father does.
Maybe she has an illness that would be so complicated by pregnancy that it would kill her AND the baby.
Maybe she wants children when she's older and the idea of giving her child away breaks her heart.
Maybe she has a substance abuse problem she doesn't trust herself to be able to kick in time to save the child from the damage it would inflict.
Or maybe she just doesn't want children at all.
Whatever her reasons, they are HERS. NOT YOURS. Women are not here to be controlled.
HEAR THIS NOW:
WOMEN ARE NOT PROPERTY OF THE STATE.
Do you hear me Georgia? Where they not only want to make abortion illegal, but also miscarriages. Where they want to close ALL abortion clinics.
WE ARE NOT YOUR BABY-MAKING SLAVE-FORCE.
Do you hear me, Texas? Where they want to require a waiting period and a sonogram before a woman can receive an abortion, and where they want to limit abortions to only in the cases of rape or incest.
WE WILL NOT BE TERRORIZED.
Do you hear me, South Dakota? Where they want to require a 3 day waiting period and "spiritual counseling." Where they want to make the murder of an abortion doctor legal, under the guise of self defense.
WE ARE NOT YOUR MISGUIDED SHEEP.
Do you hear me, Indiana? Where they want to require abortion providers to dispense FALSE information about a debunked theory linking breast cancer to abortion.
WE ARE NOT STUPID.
Do you hear me, U.S. House of Representatives? Who are trying to strip all funding to Planned Parenthood (including funding for birth control outreach and education, STD testing, cancer screenings, etc.), who are trying to redefine rape as something that would only be legitimate if the victim was visibly physically battered, and who are trying to make it so that insurance would not cover birth control, thereby giving the right to hospitals to deny abortion even in the case of saving the mother.
WE WILL NOT BE BEATEN INTO SUBMISSION.
We women pay taxes, too. We fund half of your billions-of-dollars military wars. We will NOT fund your war on us.
Do you hear me?
WE WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE OUR FREEDOM.
amazing! beautifully said! we all need to scream for our rights, we need to defend our freedom, and this sort of researched information and the emotional backbone you build and express is the most important step preserving our freedom and in breaking through to new ground
ReplyDeletein this case, specifically, i didn't know about these rogue states, these enemies of freedom we seem to have collecting like cockroaches in Georgia, South Dakota and Indiana ... shame on them, horrible, horrible moves against freedom and against our basic human rights regardless of sex, race, creed and shoe size ... what a lame bunch ... get your Bible bullshit out of our government and put it where it belongs — in the trash or in the bathroom next to big jar of vasoline ... frikken cretins, its just disturbing
i love this post ... amazing, amazing, amazing work!
Even if they do, the failure rate is, at best, 2% (with IUD) which gives women a 1 in 50 chance of getting pregnant even with the BEST birth control method used 100% properly 100% of the time. So if a woman has sex an average of once a week, she's got a shot at getting pregnant once a year.
ReplyDeleteNo, you've got the failure rate wrong. The rate they give is the chance for a hundred couples, who have sex regularly for a year, to become pregnant. So of these hundred couples using an IUD and having sex for a year, two couples (women) become pregnant. 98 do not.
Still, I agree with you that these two women have bad luck and should be able to make their own choices about what to do.
Your point on abortion: "Because it's HER body. It's HER life. YOU don't know what is going on in her life to lead her to make that decision, and frankly it's none of YOUR business."
ReplyDeleteMy response: It can't be denied that it's the fetus' life and future in the balance, too. It is none of my business but as my father always said, "God doesn't sleep". We are all held accountable for our negative actions one way or another.
Life isn't fair and especially being a woman it never will be. Accept it, find a way to work around it and live your life.
@Fabiooltje: Actually, the 2 failure rates described mean the same thing. That a woman has a 1 in 50 chance : 2%. These percentages are figured out using large groups of people because they are using the scientific method.
ReplyDelete@MsAdrianna: By having abortions, women are "finding a way around it" and living their lives. If you're suggesting that everyone should just sit down be quiet, and accept the hands they've been dealt, then we have fundamental disagreements. But you are welcome to live your life that way. It's your choice.
And as far as anyone else who wants to bring "God" into it:
1. I understand that part of your mission in life is to spread the word. I understand I can't stop you. Please respect that A LOT of people do not share your views, do not wish to ever share your views, and WILL NOT ever share your views no matter how hard you try.
2. That said, I welcome CIVIL discourse. I will shut down any preachiness on the side of the church OR of science. It goes nowhere.
3. My stock answer to the God question is and will always be this:
*Let God be the judge. It is not your job.*
Sugar Dish, I'm not even being religious on the matter so please don't try to pigeon hole me. The expression, "God doesn't sleep" means that when we do something that is negative and destructive, there is always a price to be paid. You can call it God, Karma or the natural chain reaction of life.
ReplyDeleteWhen a woman chooses abortion, she is band-aiding one mistake with another. The price to be paid (apart from having her body violated to have life sucked out of it) is a lifetime of deep regret and guilt only to name a few...
Since you are a woman of science (like myself), you may understand that when a woman chooses abortion, she is going against the most important evolutionary instinct of all: protection & preservation of one's offspring! It is this very reason why women struggle before, during and after their decision to abort their fetus/unborn child.
Abortion goes against the evolutionary instinct. Unfortunately, most women don't truly feel it's gravity until it's too late to go back and change their mind. It leaves them with a deep dark hole at their core.
And don't judge me about being a judge. I'm saying it as I see it (no different as you doing the same). As with ANY "mistake" we make in our lives, we pay now or we pay later... but we WILL pay.
In the case of unplanned pregnancy, a woman may suffer the pain and inconvenience of raising a child, the pain of adoption or the pain of abortion. There will be NO easy way out.
* As a side note: The fact that women feel forced to choose between keeping their unborn children and other obligations in the first place shows me that there is something seriously lacking in our society. Women and girls deserve better!
women are good at screaming.
ReplyDelete@MsAdrianna
ReplyDeleteI wasn't trying to pigeonhole you, and I realize it may have come off that way. This is why I didn't direct that particular statement at you.
The reason I brought up the God part was because your quote "god never sleeps" just reminded me that I wanted to head off the inevitable religion v. science debate, which frankly is not what this post is about. And because those conversations, in my experience, run themselves in pointless circles.
Also, we should not ignore that fact that parents killing their young is not uncommon in the animal kingdom. Males kill offspring that aren't theirs. Females kill their offspring when she perceives them threatened.
And while some women experience regret after abortion, others do not. Others are completely affirmed by their decision. And others still will deeply regret their decision to carry a pregnancy to term. Every woman is different. Abortion is not always a "mistake." Which is why I firmly believe we need to trust women to make the decisions that are right for THEM.
@Michael If her reason for having an abortion is a bad hair day (gonna go out on a limb and call that highly unlikely), that's her prerogative.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your well thought out blog. When I heard on the news about a state trying to make a woman wait three days I was amazed. Like a woman runs out for an abortion like she does to buy a pair of shoes. She has already thought about it, dreaded it, cried about it and is terrorized to go thru with it.
ReplyDeleteWell said. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteY.E.S.
ReplyDelete"According to the Guttmacher Institute:
ReplyDelete"The average woman must use some form of effective contraception for at least 20 years if she wants to limit her family size to two children, and 16 years if she wants four children."
Ponder that for a moment.
What that statement is telling us is that even if we use contraceptives for 20+
years, we're still probably going to get pregnant at least twice."
__________________________________
This is misleading at best. What that statement is saying is that there are twenty years where a woman will be fertile before she goes through menopause, not including the average period of time it takes for her to *intentionally* have two children (what looks like four years, based on the 16 years for four kids statistic)
What it is not saying is that a woman who is on birth control for twenty years will have two kids despite that birth control, which is what you implied.
I have a problem with feminism. As a man who considers himself to be pretty concerned with equal rights all across the board, I resent the implication that there's some sort of conspiracy by my gender against yours. If there is, I certainly haven't been invited to the meetings, and I don't know anyone else who has either. The cuts to abortion funding and limitations on planned parenthood are not, as they appear to be, an attack on women.
Oh, they directly affect women, that's for sure. But they don't really affect ALL women. Planned parenthood is a social service. A woman who is well of would find no trouble getting an abortion, even if all those cuts got made. But a single teen living on her own? An immigrant who barely speaks english? An addict forced into prostitution? They won't be able to afford it anymore. Remember that most of the attacks on planned parenthood are cuts in funding. And because those cuts are grouped in with a whole slough of cuts to other national social services and projects, the picture becomes clear. It's a war on the poor.
So yeah, I have a problem with feminism. It's polarizing. Men make up 50% of the population as well, and by making it an "us vs. them" issue, you alienate a good number of people who would be on your side. If this is a war, remember that both sides still have to coexist after it's over. Better to be a humanitarian and fight for the rights of everyone than to fight only for the rights of those like you.
There is no enemy but the enemy that you create.
Perhaps I am misinterpreting the Guttmacher quote, but I'm working with my own experience and the experiences of my friends and family, MANY of whom have become pregnant MULTIPLE times, WHILE using birth control--and most of these by the age of thirty.
ReplyDeleteI never made this a man vs. woman argument. I never said anything about man being solely responsible for woman's oppression. There are certainly women who support these ideals as well. It's a government vs. women argument. The bit at the beginning about men getting pregnant is clearly tongue-in-cheek and meant to highlight the fact that this IS, undeniably, a women's issue.
I agree with you that there is a war against the poor as well. But that's not what this post is about.
Far beyond the cuts to Planned Parenthood are the state legislatures proposing laws that make it very clear that they're either A. pushing a specific anti-abortion agenda (and WHY?<--this is the big question) or B. because of the nature of the laws proposed, implying that women are irrational at best--forcing waiting periods, invasive sonograms (the sonograms are as invasive as abortion), "spiritual" counseling--like as though women are not thinking about their decisions.
And in terms of poor *women* there's a whole 'nother set of problems that come with taking away reproductive rights. I could write pages on that--about how pro-life groups are using the idea that Planned Parenthood "targets" black people (read: poor people) as a form of genocide, when really, access to affordable abortion and birth control can really HELP black (read: poor) women break the poverty cycle.
Feminism, by definition, is about equality between the sexes. Period. So, I want complete ownership of my own body. I want autonomy. I want power of attorney. Just like men have. Is that so wrong? Is that anti-men?
And here's a link to some abortion stats in this country. No, not all women will have an abortion, but a whole lot of them will. And even if they don't choose abortion or are unable to obtain one, there are even more who might consider it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_induced_abortion.html
a wonderful opinion and very well said... but thats all it is is an opinion...Abortion is MURDER and if you have a terminal illness or a drug addiction or someone striken by poverty well the fact remains that you should not go against fate. If you get to close to a fire you will likely get burnt... if you jump off a high building you will likely get hurt... and if you have UNPROTECTED sex you will probably get pregnant. If you dont want to catch H.I.V then dont share drug needles... if you dont want a child or are uncertain it is not the right time then dont have sex. its as simple as that. i wholeheartedly respect your opinion and have no intentions of offending anyone with this post. it is simply put, my own opinion as every one is entitled to. thanks for your time. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy is that all the men posting on here are idiots? I say this as a man myself. A war on poor women is still a war on women. You can get pregnant by engaging in protected sex. C'mon guys, you can do better than that.
ReplyDelete"you shouldn't go against fate"
ReplyDeleteThen, what say you about couples who pursue fertility treatments to have children that "fate" would say they should not have?
I was always amazed that the HRCAC forbids birth control, abortion and IVF. So in other words, if you really, really, really want to have a child, tough for you. And if you don't, tough for you too. Well, thankfully, God gave me a brain so that I could reason things out for myself. I came to the conclusion that every child born should be wanted. Desperately wanted. Until that time comes I am thankful that there is birth control, abortion and IVF.
ReplyDeletei think medical procedures should be left up to the patient and the doctor to decide. and if joshua has his appendix removed or starts taking beta blockers, i will try not to judge him for not accepting his fate.
ReplyDeleteok clearly suz & sugar.... ur not seeing the point. if you have sex u will likely get pregnant. if you dont want a child, then dont have sex. the day you get pregnant you have a living person inside of you and it should be that living persons "decision" weather it wants to live or not. you should have not been irresponceble. it is called abstinence and many ppl practice it. so stop being so promiscuous, keep ur legs crossed and you wont have to worry about it. as i have said before this is my opinion and every one is entitled to their own. If you truly believe in something it should not up set you about what other people say:)
ReplyDeletealso sugar you are taking things out of context. maybe fate was not the best word to use. i dont see anything wrong with fertility dr.s. i do see something wrong with ppl being irresponceble and taking a life in the process.And to you affix, i have nvr said anything about the war on poor women. me and my wife are poor our selves and when we didnt have the money to have our first child we did not have sex. protected or not.i now have 2 wonderful boys and i would hang my self right now if i would have killed them when they were in the womb.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletea fetus at < 28 weeks gestation (that's 7 months folks) has about the same, if not less, neurological function as a person in a permanent vegetative state, and a circulatory system comparable to that of an aggressive tumor.
ReplyDeletelet's set aside all the "personhood arguments about when a fetus becomes a baby and realize that we (as a society and a legal entity) allow for the withdrawal of life-sustaining measures for someone in a PVS, and have no problem surgically removing a tumor.
That is all a < 28 weeks gestation fetus is: a growth inside the woman capable of forever altering (and taking) her life. seeing it as anything other than that is buying into a societal construct not supported by ANY science.
That sounds like something jeffrey dohmer would say....lock ur doors everyone.i dont care what your science says...all arguments aside, any woman that is pregnant has more than 'a growth inside the woman capable of forever altering (and taking) her life.' You must have no kids or was severely abused as a child. I wish you well.
ReplyDelete@Joshua About 61% of women who have abortions HAVE CHILDREN ALREADY. There goes THAT theory. And as far as child abuse goes: cut down on unwanted kids you just might cut down on abuse. Nothing like bringing a precious human life into the world so it can be tortured.
ReplyDelete@ Sugar well One THEORY thats not goin anywhere is if you aint having sex you aint got to worry about it. Why not try that instead of taking a chance on MURDER.
ReplyDelete@Joshua: How old are you?
ReplyDeleteAlso, @joshua (sorry, I seem to have missed your earlier posts).
ReplyDelete1. I don't understand people who are against abortion because it disrupts nature but are ok with fertility treatments which disrupt it just as much.
(That said, does AZ realize that banning selective abortion means octomoms in AZ will rise? With many fertility treatments multiple implantations occur, at which time, FETUSES ARE SELECTIVELY ABORTED.)
2. Way to go, running to the "keep your legs crossed" argument since clearly all women who have abortions are sluts.
Congratulations to you and your wife for your mostly sex-free life and your children. However, a lot of us people really achieve wonderful, intimate, important, healthy, emotional bonding experiences with our partners through sex. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not slutty. Its normal. Most women choose abortion because their primary (sometimes secondary, too) form of birth control failed them. They took steps to enjoy their relationships with their partners (which is no one's business but theirs), acted responsibly in order to prevent conception, and conception happened anyway. Having an abortion IS taking responsibility--the responsibility to NOT bring forth a child for whom one cannot adequately care.
3. Lastly, you say it should be the fetus' decision whether to live or die in the womb. As we all know, the fetus does not have that capacity. However, once the child is born and gains that capacity, would you support his/her decision to commit suicide? Because s/he wishes s/he's never been born?
at the end of the day ppl do what they want, wrong or right. With that being said the posts that i made are as always my opinion. Which i have clearly stated before. I am but voicing mine. If everyone were made the same their would only be one person made right. Just because it is my opinion does not make it right nor wrong. The same with everyone else. I meant to share my opinion on this post and to not in anyway try to change the minds of other ppl. I commend you sugar in voicing your opinion loudly as most of us do not do. I meant no harm in my posts and if i caused any distress i am genuinely sry. Regardless of our differences we should have respect for everyone and i feel like maybe i went against that here lately. Best of luck- joshua
ReplyDelete@ sugar i am 28 yrs old
@ sugar if you feel comfortable emailing me i have something i would like to share with you. if not i totally understand E-mail-- sonofodin8814@hotmail.com
ReplyDelete@sugar. Don't give Joshua your email. Kinda creepy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as someone who was pregnant with quads, I can add yet more difficulty to the conversation. When making a decision to reduce the number of fetuses, it is not an abortion. The medical term abortion refers to the ending of a pregnancy, whether by choice or not be choice (miscarriage). In multiple pregnancies (which are considered high risk generally), it is called a reduction. It is specifically NOT an abortion because the pregnancy continues, and in fact reduction is most often chosen so that the pregnancy CAN continue. Yet, though life is ended so that life may continue, there is no question that in choosing life, death must occur.
I dare anyone to tell me as that mother who made that choice that I was in error. They can know nothing of the abyss that followed those losses, nor the touch of harrowing grace when, six weeks later I learned of an anomaly that threatened the life of my baby A, and that confirmed that had I not made the choice I had, I would have lost the entire pregnancy. At every point I was met with challenge and grace.
I know the complexity of my own story. We are not able to know other peoples stories. This is the very reason that it is so important to follow the injunction, the command to "NOT JUDGE". I do not understand why those who pick and choose among sacred texts do not seriously struggle against the insidious desire to judge others.