War on Women. Part 2: Trust Women.

In this country and in many parts of the world, our cultures and societies have told us that women aren't to be trusted.

We've not been trusted to elect our government representatives. We've not been trusted to hold a job outside the home, or to hold a job while simultaneously being married. We've not been trusted to own property, but rather, upon marriage, became property. We've not been trusted to choose our own life partners. We've not been trusted to stand in a pulpit and preach the word of God. We've not been trusted to speak our minds, to be artists, to be politicians. We've not been trusted to make decisions.

After all, Eve ate the apple. Pandora opened the box.

We are stupid, silly creatures who cause trouble when left unsupervised.

And we keep getting pregnant when we don't want to.

I did some research into why it is that women get pregnant WAY more often than men. As it turns out: MEN CAN'T GET PREGNANT. They can have sex 75 times a day, 365 days a year, for 75 years and they will NEVER, EVER become pregnant. Not once. Who knew?

But, still, why is it that so many women are having unplanned, unwanted pregnancies? Sure there are the cases of rape and incest, but those only account for a relatively small percentage. Don't the rest of these women use birth control? Even if they do, the failure rate is, at best, 2% (with IUD) which gives women a 1 in 50 chance of getting pregnant even with the BEST birth control method used 100% properly 100% of the time. So if a woman has sex an average of once a week, she's got a shot at getting pregnant once a year. The failure rate rises with the use of hormonal contraceptives (the pill, patch, ring, etc.) and rises even more with barrier methods (condoms, diaphram, cervical cap, etc.).

*NOTE: I do not intend to entertain the notion of abstinence in this post. We all know that one cannot get pregnant if one does not have sex, but I'm guessing most people will have sex in their lifetimes.

According to the Guttmacher Institute:
"The average woman must use some form of effective contraception for at least 20 years if she wants to limit her family size to two children, and 16 years if she wants four children."

Ponder that for a moment.

What that statement is telling us is that even if we use contraceptives for 20+ years, we're still probably going to get pregnant at least twice.

Those are bad odds if you don't want kids. And also bad if it means you can't necessarily CHOOSE when those pregnancies will occur. Not to mention how much worse those odds get when you consider that there are many women who
A. Are allergic to latex.
B. Experience serious physical side affects arising from both hormonal contraceptives and IUD.
C. Experience serious psychological and emotional side effects from hormonal contraceptives.
D. Have little or no access to birth control due to financial problems or availability, or simply were never given the information on how to obtain or use such preventative methods.

Even with all those numbers stacked up against us, you'll be happy to know that a great number of those unwanted pregnancies grow up to be delightful "surprises" or who find themselves in wonderful adoptive homes. However, another great many go on to become the victims of their unwantedness: abused, neglected, NOT adopted into loving "forever homes," but rather shuffled through a struggling, underfunded foster-care system (did you know that the average age of the American homeless person is NINE?).

And then there are still a great many who never get born--this, at their mothers' discretion.

This is a decision that mothers should not only be able to make, but should be TRUSTED to make.

Why? Because it's HER body. It's HER life. YOU don't know what is going on in her life to lead her to make that decision, and frankly it's none of YOUR business.

Maybe she's engaged to be married. Maybe on the same day she found out she's pregnant, she also found out that her fiancé is engaged to someone else, too.

Maybe her community would shun her so badly for being pregnant out of wedlock that abortion would actually be safer.

Maybe she already has children. Maybe she is treading a fine line of poverty and knows that another child would put her family on the street.

Maybe she got pregnant the first time she had sex. At fifteen.

Maybe she's in an abusive relationship with the father.

Maybe she has a terminal illness that she would pass on to her child. Or maybe the father does.

Maybe she has an illness that would be so complicated by pregnancy that it would kill her AND the baby.

Maybe she wants children when she's older and the idea of giving her child away breaks her heart.

Maybe she has a substance abuse problem she doesn't trust herself to be able to kick in time to save the child from the damage it would inflict.

Or maybe she just doesn't want children at all.

Whatever her reasons, they are HERS. NOT YOURS. Women are not here to be controlled.

HEAR THIS NOW:

WOMEN ARE NOT PROPERTY OF THE STATE.

Do you hear me Georgia? Where they not only want to make abortion illegal, but also miscarriages. Where they want to close ALL abortion clinics.

WE ARE NOT YOUR BABY-MAKING SLAVE-FORCE.

Do you hear me, Texas? Where they want to require a waiting period and a sonogram before a woman can receive an abortion, and where they want to limit abortions to only in the cases of rape or incest.

WE WILL NOT BE TERRORIZED.

Do you hear me, South Dakota? Where they want to require a 3 day waiting period and "spiritual counseling." Where they want to make the murder of an abortion doctor legal, under the guise of self defense.

WE ARE NOT YOUR MISGUIDED SHEEP.

Do you hear me, Indiana? Where they want to require abortion providers to dispense FALSE information about a debunked theory linking breast cancer to abortion.

WE ARE NOT STUPID.

Do you hear me, U.S. House of Representatives? Who are trying to strip all funding to Planned Parenthood (including funding for birth control outreach and education, STD testing, cancer screenings, etc.), who are trying to redefine rape as something that would only be legitimate if the victim was visibly physically battered, and who are trying to make it so that insurance would not cover birth control, thereby giving the right to hospitals to deny abortion even in the case of saving the mother.

WE WILL NOT BE BEATEN INTO SUBMISSION.

We women pay taxes, too. We fund half of your billions-of-dollars military wars. We will NOT fund your war on us.

Do you hear me?

WE WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE OUR FREEDOM.

War on Women. Part 1: Let's Talk About "Rape Culture"

Yes, those are scare quotes I put around "Rape Culture," because I believe that term to be a misnomer. I'll get to that in a minute.

The phenomenon labeled "Rape Culture" was originally termed "Rape-Supportive Culture," which I find more appropriate, but not perfect either. I don't know when "supportive" got dropped, but it was sometime between the first time I wrote on the subject about fifteen years ago, and now.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, Rape Culture is a culture which at least subconciously, if not unconsciously, makes sexual assault (on women specifically) seem excusable, acceptable, and expected.

The recent news article printed in the New York Times about the gang rape of an 11 year old girl by eighteen males ranging in age from middle-schoolers to a 27 year old, is a shining example of what is described as Rape Culture. The article makes mention of how the young girl presented herself : "They said she dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s. She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground...."

The article goes on to print community accusations of the girl's mother and her perceived lack of parenting skills: “Where was her mother? What was her mother thinking? How can you have an 11-year-old child missing...?”

The New York Times also felt the need to print only this community response to the attackers: “These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives.”

Now, whether this was shoddy reporting on the part of the New York Times, a serious case of denial happening in Cleveland, Texas, or a combination of both, one can't be sure. What we can be sure of however, is that the same old song is being sung here:

That 11 year old girl asked to be gang-raped. She dressed inappropriately and hung out with older boys. And her mother is to be blamed, too.

Why?

Because boys will be boys. Men have needs. And any other cliché you can conjure.

Now, on to the imperfection of the concept of "Rape Culture" itself. I do not disagree or deny that this cultural phenomenon exists. However, I perceive sexual assault (of women in particular) to be a symptom of a much larger cultural problem: Sexual Oppression.

Sexual Oppression of women in our culture is historic and pervasive. Women are taught from an early age what they should look like and how they should act--most notoriously that we should say "no" when we really mean "yes." When it comes to sex, we are taught to lie.

On the playground the boys chase us and pull our hair. They snap our training bra straps and playfully wrestle us. We are told that this is flirting. And I believe this to be true.

Little girls respond by squealing, running away and hiding, yelling "no, no!" We are told that this is also flirting. I also believe this to be true.

Fast forward 10, 15 years and put that little girl in a bedroom with that little boy, maybe at a party, maybe with a few beers, and therein lies the problem. He gets aggressive. She tries to get away... Hey, I thought that was flirting?

So we lie. And then sometimes, we don't. When we don't, we are sluts. And sluts are bad. So we either don't get what we want, or we get what we want and are shamed because of it, or we get what is coming to us because we deserved it. Lose, lose, and lose.

From our homes to our media to our government (more on that in Part 2), women are being seriously shortchanged on the sex front. We women bear the brunt of the responsibility in rearing humankind, yet are forcibly stripped of the very tools needed to promote our species with pride.

I was raped when I was seventeen. Prior to that I had been what some people would call "promiscuous." I was just having fun, checking out this thing called sex. I did not want sex that night. I said "no" repeatedly. I struggled. But I was already a slut, a big scarlet S on my sweater.

If only I could have been thought of as another human. Unfortunately, "slut" sticks.

But that shouldn't have been an excuse then, and never should be an excuse in the future.

You think what I'm wearing is sexy? Thank you. No, I am not going to have sex with you. Good night. [End Scene]

Everyone should have the right to have sex. But YOU don't have the right to have sex with EVERYONE and EVERYONE does not have the right to have sex with YOU. Say "yes" when you mean "yes" and "no" when you mean "no." And have the respect to honor your partner(s) either way.

How fucking simple is that?