War on Women. Part 1: Let's Talk About "Rape Culture"

Yes, those are scare quotes I put around "Rape Culture," because I believe that term to be a misnomer. I'll get to that in a minute.

The phenomenon labeled "Rape Culture" was originally termed "Rape-Supportive Culture," which I find more appropriate, but not perfect either. I don't know when "supportive" got dropped, but it was sometime between the first time I wrote on the subject about fifteen years ago, and now.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, Rape Culture is a culture which at least subconciously, if not unconsciously, makes sexual assault (on women specifically) seem excusable, acceptable, and expected.

The recent news article printed in the New York Times about the gang rape of an 11 year old girl by eighteen males ranging in age from middle-schoolers to a 27 year old, is a shining example of what is described as Rape Culture. The article makes mention of how the young girl presented herself : "They said she dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s. She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground...."

The article goes on to print community accusations of the girl's mother and her perceived lack of parenting skills: “Where was her mother? What was her mother thinking? How can you have an 11-year-old child missing...?”

The New York Times also felt the need to print only this community response to the attackers: “These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives.”

Now, whether this was shoddy reporting on the part of the New York Times, a serious case of denial happening in Cleveland, Texas, or a combination of both, one can't be sure. What we can be sure of however, is that the same old song is being sung here:

That 11 year old girl asked to be gang-raped. She dressed inappropriately and hung out with older boys. And her mother is to be blamed, too.

Why?

Because boys will be boys. Men have needs. And any other cliché you can conjure.

Now, on to the imperfection of the concept of "Rape Culture" itself. I do not disagree or deny that this cultural phenomenon exists. However, I perceive sexual assault (of women in particular) to be a symptom of a much larger cultural problem: Sexual Oppression.

Sexual Oppression of women in our culture is historic and pervasive. Women are taught from an early age what they should look like and how they should act--most notoriously that we should say "no" when we really mean "yes." When it comes to sex, we are taught to lie.

On the playground the boys chase us and pull our hair. They snap our training bra straps and playfully wrestle us. We are told that this is flirting. And I believe this to be true.

Little girls respond by squealing, running away and hiding, yelling "no, no!" We are told that this is also flirting. I also believe this to be true.

Fast forward 10, 15 years and put that little girl in a bedroom with that little boy, maybe at a party, maybe with a few beers, and therein lies the problem. He gets aggressive. She tries to get away... Hey, I thought that was flirting?

So we lie. And then sometimes, we don't. When we don't, we are sluts. And sluts are bad. So we either don't get what we want, or we get what we want and are shamed because of it, or we get what is coming to us because we deserved it. Lose, lose, and lose.

From our homes to our media to our government (more on that in Part 2), women are being seriously shortchanged on the sex front. We women bear the brunt of the responsibility in rearing humankind, yet are forcibly stripped of the very tools needed to promote our species with pride.

I was raped when I was seventeen. Prior to that I had been what some people would call "promiscuous." I was just having fun, checking out this thing called sex. I did not want sex that night. I said "no" repeatedly. I struggled. But I was already a slut, a big scarlet S on my sweater.

If only I could have been thought of as another human. Unfortunately, "slut" sticks.

But that shouldn't have been an excuse then, and never should be an excuse in the future.

You think what I'm wearing is sexy? Thank you. No, I am not going to have sex with you. Good night. [End Scene]

Everyone should have the right to have sex. But YOU don't have the right to have sex with EVERYONE and EVERYONE does not have the right to have sex with YOU. Say "yes" when you mean "yes" and "no" when you mean "no." And have the respect to honor your partner(s) either way.

How fucking simple is that?